The past few months I’ve been very proud about taming the applicability of guilt and shame in my life. However, last week that monster came back with a vengeance. A friend’s blog (Bigger Love) helped provide some perspective.
While my guilt last week has less to do with my fantasies, I know my fantasies have plays into the guilt that I impose on myself. I remember soon after learning of a friend’s childhood abuse, I felt shame for reading erotica that dealt with age play or anything non-consensual. That’s the empath in me …and it stopped any desire I had to have any Daddy-girl play.
Imposing that guilt on myself for the suffering she endured felt like the right thing to do at the time. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t allowing me the healthy playful sex life I wanted. One in which I could play the little girl drawn into a tawdry relationship with “daddy” that is both consensual and grown-up without having to play the grown-up. That sex life became one in which the little slut wasn’t celebrated but demonized as being representative of a very real trauma millions of people have endured
Like I.said. I got perspective…but I’m not entirely rid of the guilt yet.