This is more of a stream of consciousness. I’m on my way home from a trip to Philly where I presented at PolyLiving 2013. It was a wonderful time, with many people who inspired me with their commitment to one another. It was difficult being at the conference without a partner to share that energy with. I felt a bit off the whole time. I thought at first it was because I was tired from all the over-thinking preparations I put into the event, but realized through the course of things that I really wanted a partner there to pour that energy into and share with.
The energy at a poly event is distinctly different from the energy at a kink event, which is the majority of events that I’ve done so far.
So I promised myself that i would make more of an effort to keep this blog updated. The writing is good for me, even if it’s just mundane shit like my day is today. Warrior prefers to call the random internet browsing and whatnot “noodling” so I guess that’s what I’ve been doing today. Noodling. Here is a small summary:
- My phone died earlier this week. Well, more like the right side of my screen died and was unresponsive. So instead of giving me a deal on my upgrade, Verizon sent me a new version of the same crappy phone that I’ve had to replace twice already. So here we go again with all the updating…all for a phone I’m only going to have for about a month or so. You know, starting Angry Birds…again. Setting the ringtones I had on the last phone back in….again. Putting in all my passwords and syncing up my contacts…again. So today i’m making the most of a lazy Saturday afternoon to do all of this stuff …again.
- Backing up all of my photos to my laptop is another chore. I have over 7000 pictures. Several thousand of which are actually pictures stored on my phone for various apps. But others are pictures that I took for lovers in the past that bring back some warm, fond memories.
- This week I tried playing around on a new site called Lifestyle Tonight. While it is meant to be for all lifestyles (it’s been described to me as Facebook for the sex-positive community), I will probably be drafting an email to the people who run the site on how it can be more inclusive. My sense is that it started with the swingers community and tried to broaden its reach to others in the kink and poly communities. None of this is bad, I just would like to see more options than “bisexual” or “bi-curious” to be more inclusive of those of us who identify as queer or pan or gender fluid. But my initial impressions is that it reminds me a little of the old Alt.com back before it was overrun by bots. Feel free to try it out (or send me a message for an invite) and see what you think. Meanwhile I’m going to revive the old bondage.com and alt.com profiles and see how utterly silly I was back in 2006 when I last updated them.
- Meanwhile on another site I’ve been toying with the membership features of X-Tube. It’s a porn site. Pure and simple. And instead of keeping links to the clips I like on my bookmark list, I decided to try this one out. In only 3 days of having the profile (with just a picture of my covered boobs on the profile pic), I’ve had 5 offers to play online or in person (one wanted to role-play piss play over skype) and over 100 friend requests, 465 views of my pics and 3 ratings. Only three days. I shouldn’t be surprised, but I am. My friend request page is overfull of pictures of cock that I’m quickly becoming bored of so much cock. In some ways I wish I had been doing this for actual research to see what the patterns are with the people who are friending me and why. Of course it’s not friending for realsies–more like fandom perhaps. It’s a little…overwhelming. Of course I may toy with some of the ones who can actually spell “photo” or give me more than some “I’ll treat you like a queen” sort of statement. Just because i’m looking at porn doesn’t mean I’m lacking anything.
- That said, I’m enjoying some of the gay porn on that site. I’ve been turned off by a lot of straight porn lately. Most of the women in straight porn don’t look like me–or act like me, so it’s not really a turn on for me. And when I watch BBW porn, I get very turned on to all the horrid comments left by men who actually chose to watch it too much less the descriptions that make the woman sound gross and desperate–which they aren’t. So, I tend to go with gay porn most of the time. Men fucking men makes me hot. Yup, yup.
- And I just finished five class descriptions for presentations I might be giving in the very near future for a conference on the east coast this spring. I’m excited. I haven’t been chosen to give those presentations, but yesterday I had a wild flurry of inspiration that told me, “yes, you do have enough knowledge to be able to teach!”. So I went with it!
Tonight we have our choice of seeing a friend do artistic bondage set to live piano, go to a holiday belly dance show or to see SkyFall. Not a bad choice for the night.
I know some will panic about this year. Not me. Not today.
Today I am building miracles.
I am creating joy.
I am savoring the goodness.
Today I am expressing the calm.
I am loosing the wild woman.
I am approving the chaos.
Today I am mourning the silence.
I am praising the release.
I am cherishing the gratitude.
Today I am spending my energy on the blessings yet to come. I am walking in gratitude and joy for the years spent in Love. I am honoring the old and renewing my faith in the new I am proud and whole. Mighty and assured. I am grateful for all that has been and all that is still yet to come. I am open and unafraid of receiving the blessings of the future for I know I am protected. I am alive. Today I am free to live in the truth and beauty of bliss. I live with integrity as I challenge my old beliefs. I am growing and becoming wiser with each step I take.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your thoughts and commentary. I look forward to spending this new year with you!
Don’t have much time to update here but wanted to share a few tidbits from our own, personal kinky roadshow. Have pride will travel.
This weekend I am with my gay brothers in my hometown for their pride festival. After settling at the hotel we headed on the road again for an ice cream social. The gay community of Fremont County was just sweet and generous. They welcomed us with open arms. They seemed so supportive of each other. Which I think is essential when living in a small community like that.
And last night we ended up at the community’s only gay bar where my friends got introduced and I was oggled by every gay man in the space. Pictures soon to follow.
But right now we have the local pride parade. Just waiting for the boys to get ready to go.
Once I get back home I will update with more photos and a lot of insights on how it feels to be “out” in ny hometown.