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Same-sex and Same Rights

Earlier today I got an annoying message on Facebook from a HS acquaintance who wanted to correct me for the stance I have taken on gay rights and specifically same-sex marriage.  I posted my response to my feed there but I decided that I wanted to take it a bit further and just keep saying it loud:

Obviously we need a reminder. Let’s be clear, I am a supporter of same-sex marriage. I am an advocate for equal rights for all people. And so I don’t react well when someone wants to “take me to task” for my beliefs.

For all the people trying to make this a religious argument–that marriage is a “religious act” that government should have no part of, then I highly suggest you make your actions match your words and reject any and all government benefits you receive for being married. I challenge you to file your 2012 taxes as “single”, to divide your property according to contract law and purchase your own insurance instead of benefiting from your spouse and to be subjected to a custody evaluation to ensure that you are fit parents for your children. Go out today and make a will that doesn’t rely on presumptions of law. Hire an attorney to draw up any powers of attorney you might need in the event of an unforeseen disaster. Oh and be sure that if you are asked to testify against your spouse in a court of law that you don’t invoke spousal privilege or marital immunity. Go on. If marriage is only a religious rite/right then this should be no problem…rejecting all the ways in which your marriage is entangled with government and getting government out of the way.

You can’t have it both ways.

If you’re unwilling to to give up your benefits for the status of your relationship then you better be willing to extend those same benefits to everyone else who has made just as sacred a commitment to their spouse as you have. They are prevented, by law, from obtaining a marriage license in order to have the same legal recognition as you. Why? Because of the gender of the person they have felt compelled to pledge their life to. A simple matter of gender and that somehow is enough to restrict their ability to enjoy the same benefits and certainties as you. Sorry, but marriage is not a private matter, not when so many governmental treats flow from that change in status.

The God I believe in loves unconditionally and blesses each of us unconditionally. You lose nothing in this deal except the peace of mind that the peculiar combination of your boy parts and girl parts make you special in the eyes of the law and in the eyes of God. Just like colleges, businesses and clubs were forced to open their doors to women or to men and women of color, you wrap your institutional identity so tightly around this concept of “specialness” that you feel you might lose your identity if others are allowed into the club.

Stop acting so persecuted and petulant. Recognize the privilege you have and extend that with grace and compassion to others.

Read the rest of this entry

Advice vs. Living

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of bad advice out there on the internet. In fact, besides porn, the internet is almost custom-built for those who have a plethora of opinions.  To provide their egos with passive audience to ooh and ahh over their particular brand of advice and ideas.  And I’m finding it more and more within the “sex positive” community.  People who think they are providing good advice to the newly polyamorous or who have a set list of rules for those following a D/s lifestyle.  In fact, I’ve seen so many those sites that I just don’t want to list any examples.

And it’s not to say that I’m not guilty of thinking myself to be such a prolific example of poly, kinky sexuality that I should provide my advice whether solicited or not.  The fact is all I can do is share my story.  Share how I’ve arrived at the decisions I have during my journey.  In sharing my own shortcomings and mistakes, my triumphs and my personal declarations perhaps others might learn.  But I’m hoping more than anything others may be able to empathize and see their own situation from a different perspective.

At the start of 2012, I will be launching a complimentary blog called Love Priestess where I share more of the actual lessons I’ve learned through the years and provide some insight into how people might approach conflicts they encounter in their love lives.  I don’t have answers… and I don’t declare myself to be an expert.  But after 7+ years of polyamory and even more years of experience in kink, I can say I’ve lived and learned.  My opinions are informed from my own experiences, my own heritage, my own outlook on life.  Now that you’ve been warned…I hope you enjoy what I have to say in in these pages and in the ones to come.

The Real Pueblo Pride

..Going home was a huge thing for me.  And even though I’ve been struggling with my sexuality for the past few weeks/months/years, it was a weekend that held significance and gravity for me.

Some people have their fun making jokes of how small the town is (it’s really not) and how they think it’s not racially diverse (48% of Pueblo is Hispanic).  It is also overwhelmingly Democratic and so the town cares about issues like gay rights, worker’s rights and equality, but like most cities has struggled to enact policies and laws that truly reflect these values and predictably the rest of its citizens still have a lot of catching up to do in their interpersonal dealings.

It is because of those values that I felt I needed to go home and attend Pride.  The parade wasn’t long.  Only 4 blocks.  It wasn’t well attended…most of the people who want to be seen supporting gay pride were in the parade itself.  But the fact that there was a pride parade at all, an afternoon festival, performances and an organization behind it all is remarkable in and of itself.  Walking down the street in front of the building where my husband proposed to me, nearby my old workplace and close to my friends and family was significant.  So much history.  So much of myself there. Read the rest of this entry

A Loose Woman Speaks

A Loose Woman Speaks

You know me. You always find me at the crossroads. Smoldering sweetness. Transient memory. Dark benevolence.

I have burned with you in the fires; I have resurrected you from the despair. I’ve held your hand in the depths of your darkness. I’ve given you light to lift you. I’ve been here each time you’ve prayed out loud or cried silently.

Sweet and bold. Powerful and quiet. I will never leave you, my Love.

Blissful and melancholy. Radiant and cursed.  Sensual and familiar. Rough and blessed. Vibrant and smooth. I embrace your duality and all the space in between.

Strike at the soul and be consumed within these flames.

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