I did something hard last week. It was so emotionally hard that I’ve managed to find ways to avoid it for over ten years now: I finally confronted my LiveJournal. I feel silly for making a big deal out of it, because after all, backing up the content doesn’t mean I have to really read or interact with that content. But it did mean I had to think about all that history contained there and whether it was even worth preserving.
Ultimately I decided that I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t preserve this part of my story, the story that I have rewritten a hundred times by now. Sometimes I’m the hero standing at the center against insurmountable odds. Sometimes I’m the damsel who needs rescuing. Sometimes I’m the hapless dope who did this to myself. But to spend hours backing up that history meant recalling all the ways I framed the woman I was then.
The past year has been about healing that specific wound and giving myself the forgiveness I’ve most needed. But it’s also been difficult to remember who I was before that trauma, before the layers of judgment from people who couldn’t help but offer their unsolicited opinions. Who was I back then and how much of that still remains?
But that’s part of the magic of where we’re all at right now. I’m not the only one asking these questions, nor am I the only one learning how to integrate all of myself into the alchemized whole. Our spirits are conspiring to transform us into the resilient, sparkling wise people we were meant to be – a magical mix of fate’s archetypes at any given time. And that gives me the courage to do this for myself, encountering this younger Janet without judgment or derision, can I really understand all that I have to offer this world and know the right ways to tap into my energy so I don’t burn out.
Today I’m 30% Chingona rebel, 30% mountain priestess, 14% seductress, 10% dutiful daughter, 6% anxious mother 5% geek goddess and the rest is a blend of lawyer brain, nonprofit advocate, and ADHD impulse control. This means that today is great if you wanna catch me for a reading, but not great if you need me to activate my lawyer brain. It’s a way for me to understand where I’m at today, so I can better communicate to others how to meet me there.
And there must be something in the air because even this past week’s episode of Star Trek: Discovery featured aliens who communicate via emotional alchemy (or at least that’s the term I’m giving it). By understanding ourselves, we begin to understand what we do and do not bring to any particular dynamic that exists for us with certain people, in certain environments – so that we have a better chance of bringing out the best in ourselves and each other.
And just like it was important for me to confront the guilt of my past, it’s also critical for me to finally put this chapter of my life behind me. To pull out that which no longer brings out the best in me, keeping those stories and truths that remind me to enforce my boundaries while still opening to love. In the end, the greatest gift I could have ever given myself is the healing I needed to face this part of my past in order to finally let go. Integration is the biggest blessing of all.
This message is elegantly delivered by The Revelations Tarot by Zachary Wong, which is the deck I love most for the intricacies of tarot meanings both reversed and upright. I couldn’t imagine a better theme to emerge than integration and gratitude. What a way to start the week!
See more below…
Where we are this week
Temperance
Last week I advised patience, compassion, gentleness. It looks like it paid off because this week we’re in a place of inherent power and balance. We have alchemized who we are and have a better understanding of what it is to be a more fully integrated version of ourselves. We know both our good and our bad, our light and our dark and as we integrate that acceptance of self, we’re starting to see the clouds of uncertainty part so our light comes shining through. When we alchemize the soul, we take elements that reside within us to exist as an impossible whole.
Alchemize the soul.
Messages from our Guides
The Star
Our guides this week remind us that there is always hope. We have no reason to give in to desperation and despair when so much is offered to us. If we pay attention, the way we do when we’re out under the vast open sky staring up at the heavens, we can feel the blessings of the universe reminding us that our concerns are so very small compared to the explosively ordered chaos of the universe. Even in the ravages of war and pandemic, the universe is constantly showering us with blessings. Gratitude unlocks hope.
Hope is always available
Messages from Lady Gaia
High Priestess (R)
Beware of the false prophets who wear the mask of oneness without the heart, actions, nor conviction of oneness. Look out for where someone’s intentions are obscured behind a performative mask such as the shallow efforts of slapping an eco-awareness sticker on a thick truck that idles for thirty minutes every morning while the driver takes selfies. At some point we have to move past the superficial masks of change and actually go through the difficult work of changing not just our outlook but our priorities as a whole, instead of just getting credit for saying the right things.
Where are we wearing false masks?
Messages from our Ancestors
Nine of Swords
This feels especially poignant given the recent passage of Florida’s anti-woke legislation. Here, I feel like the ancestors are telling us loud and clear that we don’t need to be spared from the guild of our ancestors’ past, but we’re here in order to truly feel it so that we can use that empathetic connection to change the world. Perhaps this is some of my bias here, but just like we can’t escape for the problems our ancestors left us, our children won’t be able to escape the problems we’re leaving them now with our refusal to stop these cycles of grief, trauma and separation.
We can’t avoid the guilt of the past.
Messages from our Future Selves
Four of Cups (r)
The four of cups is normally a card that symbolizes complacency, but here the energy is one of gratitude and joy, especially for the small things. Our future selves rightly point out to us that even though we’ve been squeezed into transformation and shadow work, all is not lost and our manifestations are starting to slowly trickle in. It’s easy to look at the world and find things wrong with it; but it’s much harder and more rewarding to discover the little blessings always available to us Like our guides said, hope is always available when gratitude leads the way.
Collect all the blessings no matter how small.
Message from Mother Mary
Hanged Man
Last week Mary wanted us to pull out the compass to check to see that we’re headed toward true north. Now, she wants us to look at that journey from a new perspective. Question what we thing we know about what lies ahead. Likewise, question what it really means to be doing all this healing work. Do we approach it with fear and trepidation or do we eagerly welcome the wisdom that will flow through the process? By learning to have gratitude even during the challenging times in our lives is to ascend beyond the suffering we’ve been living with.
Is there another way of looking at it.
Final advice:
Five of Cups (r)
Celebrate what we have.
Page of Pentacles (R)
Notice where hair-splitting hurts the cause.
The undercurrent this week reinforces this idea of gratitude for what we have. Especially now in a war-torn time on earth, it is especially important for us to remember all the advantages that we have, all the things we have going for us. Do we have solid friendships that have been keeping us sane? Do we have a co-parenting agreement that is making things less stressful? No matter what might be disappointing us in other areas of our lives, there is something always that the universe delivers that makes things easier while we address the things we need and want. Today, while heading out to my front yard to feed the crows, I gave a little “thank you” to the universe for giving me good enough health care that I have all that I needed to support my recovery from surgery so that I can feed my neighborhood crows with less pain. There is always something we can be grateful for. Let that be the current sparkling under the surface this week.
Overall the advice this week is to notice where we’re splitting ourselves in two with the finer, overthinking details that we think will give us the appearance of fitting in. We need to not only let go of the masks, but the general detachment from all that we’re doing in our physical world. It’s one thing to be enlightened, but it’s another to dismiss what others need to survive just because we’ve become detached from needing it ourselves. No, this is a time to take a big giant pause and recognize that tearing apart the necessities of our physical reality won’t prompt enlightenment, but rather only makes us feel more separated and alone. Look to see where our hair splitting hurts the cause.
Blessing:
As we move forward into this week may we recognize that we are made of many parts -our past, our ambitions, our emotion, our wounds, our backgrounds, and priorities. May we find the courage to alchemize our authenticity in order to create a whole new world, one that deals with the lingering guilt and pain with grace and gratitude while collecting the first trickles of abundance and collective healing in our lives. May we have the faith to not over-examine the world and the generosity to share our good fortune with others.
I am with you always in love đ
So may it be.
Specializing in readings for LGBTQ+, non-monogamous and “it’s complicated” situations
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I offer A VARIETY OF READINGS & REIKI SESSIONS that can:
- Reboot relationship(s)
- Check-in with the body’s chakras
- Uncover hidden talent & treasure
- Clear emotional blockages
- Channel messages of Divine Love
- Step up as a leader
- Harmonize past lives
La Madonna Rosa 