Welcome to the second to last week of the year. I always get deeply philosophical during this time of year, the waning days of Sagittarius season. Not only do we have the sparkle of the holiday season the crisp snow and winter onset, but it’s also my birthday. I get nostalgic and even more brutally honest. I overcommit myself to social things even though every instinct tells me I want to stay inside myself from Dec. 12 -22, the days surrounding my birthday, ending with the last orb of light on Winter solstice.
It is the longest night of the year, the darkest of mysteries, the unknown. That the light returns at all is miraculous and a testament to the natural laws of the universe.When we connect in with these natural patterns, these scientific facts that shape our existence on earth, we begin to see that we are perhaps we are connected to something larger than we really recognized before.
For how many of us can relate to being afraid of the dark? Afraid of the monsters hiding under our beds or the vulnerability of not knowing whether we are truly alone? It’s one of the most human of fears, because once, our survival depended on whether we could make it through the deep, dark night. So I imagine our ancestors did all they could to bring the light – fire, dancing, warmth – anything that lends a spark to the human spirit, to light the way during this time.
And for a long time, that spark was barely present on my birthday. I had turned my “special day” into a dark night of the soul confessional. I confronted myself with all my evil deeds, feeling the weight of guilt for every person I disappointed, each person I hurt with my careless wit. Progressively over the past ten or so years, I’ve been able to embrace a bigger, brighter version of myself. And now, instead of listing off all my imagined and exaggerated crimes against humanity’s ego, I now tentatively offer healing to the wounded parts of myself that have been aching for me for to listen after 44 years.
It’s a start at least.
The winter solstice has become one of the most important “holidays” on my calendar. And no, not just because of Kushiel’s Dart. No, tonight, I dig deep into my own traditions and ideals. I’ll light some holy incense to burn amongst the candles. I’ll clean and rearrange my altar, letting go of the accumulated wishes from last year. Tonight I’ll burrow my toes into the cold earth under the light of the moon and call to my ancestors, guides and guardians to illuminate my path. I’ll scribble new intentions for 2022, painted and pasted over with magazine images that can’t possible capture my true heart’s desire. I’ll surrender myself to the will of the universe and trust that come sunrise I will emerge even brighter than ever before.
Similarly, this week we have a theme of loving surrender, of leaning into the romantic notion of giving ourselves over to something bigger than ourselves, whether it be fate, a twin soul relationship, a calling. But to do that we have to challenge how we see ourselves and face some hard truths. To deliver this message is the every faithful Light-seer’s Tarot by Chris-Anne.
See more below…
Where we are this week
Eight of Swords (R)
This past week we likely found confirmation that deep down the pain that we are feeling is made worse by dwelling on the past or beating ourselves up with guilt. When we lend our energy to our worst beliefs about ourselves, then we train ourselves to loathe who we are and what we do. We amplify our anxieties over our mistakes or betrayals. But we can release ourselves from this prison of our own making. We have the key to set ourselves free. When we realize that we’re in control of how we see ourselves, we begin to loosen the constraints that have kept us small.
See past the hurt and pain.
Messages from our Guides
Three of Pentacles
The card depicts a man teaching is teaching his child(ren?) to weave this beautiful tapestry. He looks on with pride because they are gaining a new skill. But more importantly, the tapestry doesn’t have to be perfect for him to be proud. In fact, he finds the imperfections an endearing quality, a proof of authenticity. For whenever we are mastering a new subject, wither it be math, cooking or a new spiritual practice, we are bound to make mistakes. That’s part of the process. Our guides are telling us to embrace this process of mistakes, of messiness. For creation is a rather messy affair and failure is part of what makes what we create even more special and worthwhile.
Embrace the process of mastery.
Messages from Lady Gaia
Queen of Pentacles (R)
I sort of feel like Lady Gaia is trolling me this week. She’s reminding us not to get caught up in the consumerism-driven panic shopping that inevitably plagues too many of us around the holidays. Not only is it wasteful, it’s rarely the emergency that it seems. But we get caught up in feelings of insecurity around the holidays. WE are so stuck in our feelings of inadequacy and comparison that we rush out and impulsively buy more than we need. Whether it’s augmenting the big day’s menu or remembering we forgot to get stocking stuffers, we not only waste our time, energy and resources (including fuel!) to get a few more things that will likely be out in the rubbish within a month’s time. This week is a good time to reevaluate our relationship with impulse buying, including the ways our increased demand is connected to the wounding we have around lack including housing, food or financial insecurity.
Beware the costs of consumerism.
Messages from our Ancestors
Ten of Swords
The ancestors who choose to show up to my The eclipse finally mad it clear that we have to lovingly let go if we’re to move on. Hanging on to the ghosts of our past is doing us not good. In fact, it’s keeping us tethered to a reality that is falling away. It keeps us engaged with the same feelings of inadequacy we’re hearing about in other parts of the reading. It is beyond time to face some difficult truths about our relationship with ourselves. It is time to finally let it go. Remember, if we don’t, the Tower will do it for us. So as painful as it is to let it go, we must finally say goodbye so we can heal. In particular, because this is from our ancestors, this includes finally facing facts about our dysfunctional families and reconciling to ourselves to the truth…we can’t keep trying to hang on to hope that they’ll finally come along. We have to be able to live our lives fully.
Let it go already.
Messages from our Future Selves
Five of Wands (R)
Upright, the 5 of wands is about useful competition, like sparring with teammates to make us better at our sport or a grant competition for the most innovative solution to our climate crisis. But reversed, the competition has turned ugly, likely because we are more motivated by winning, by being right, than we are about sportsmanship or building others up. Instead, the card reverse shows us haphazardly digging at the bottom of the barrel for that last shred of ego attention dopamine high of “winner take all”. Our future selves, along with our ancestors are telling us that this is one of the belief patterns we have to let go of. This win-at-all-costs attitude has hurt us so much already, but it will be disastrous if that is our approach to surviving climate change.
Avoid the race to the bottom
Message from Mother Mary
Seven of cups
Most of us already know what we need to let go of. For me, it’s the pernicious disbelief in my value. It impacts everything in my life and it is entirely based in fear, no, a belief that I am inherently never going to be enough. Or worse, that I’m sooo extra that I lose value the more I shine. Entirely based in comparison and lack, competition and imposter syndrome, I hold this tender not of disbelief in my heart. Each time I want to reach out for what I want, the knot tugs me back, reminding me that better people deserve these things, not me. Or at least that’s how it goes in my head. The competition has been killing me, friends. And now, I have to make the hard choice to move forward. and while I have many options for how to do that, I need to trust that I know what is best for my own life and that my highest version of success is one where we all win and can make our dreams come true.
The choice is ours.
Two of Pentacles
Balance our earthly responsibilities.
Knight of cups.
We are the authority of our own lives.
An ongoing theme this year has been to be able to balance our physical and spiritual selves. We have to be able to be both – to tend to the lofty ideals of the spirit while also nourishing, protecting and healing our physical presence. Too many preach that the highest form of life, “ascension”, is to abandon and disassociate from our reality . And yet, humanity needs us to be here, now. So it’s just as important for us to take care of the physical needs of ourselves, our families, our communities. This is a good time to make resolutions about how we’ll maintain balance between our earthly responsibilities and our spiritual quests.
As we slide from the Longest Night’s Winter Solstice into the energy of the new year, 2022, we contemplate the darkness of the earth. We listen to the crackling of her soul, the gentle breezes of her whispers. But we also feel an alignment with the universe, to something bigger than us, to something so ancient that we almost forgot that the words to our prayers are written on our bones. We need to open ourselves to the divine, no matter how or where we find it. This is a time of romantically graceful surrender – giving ourselves over to being loved by the cosmos, by our fellow humans. Are we willing to risk it all for love? To humbly give ourselves over to find the light within? For on the darkest night of the year, we must still be able to trust that the sun will come out again.
May the light and celebrations around us this Winter Solstice, bring us the confirmation we need to let go of our past mistakes so we may feel more secure in our worth. May we write a new story for our lives so that we start the new year from a space of empowered, loving action.
I am with you always in love 💖
So may it be.
Specializing in readings for LGBTQ+, non-monogamous and “it’s complicated” situations
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I offer A VARIETY OF READINGS & REIKI SESSIONS that can:
- Reboot relationship(s)
- Check-in with the body’s chakras
- Uncover hidden talent & treasure
- Clear emotional blockages
- Channel messages of Divine Love
- Step up as a leader
- Harmonize past lives
[…] while I tried to listen to Lady Gaia last week, I still found myself overspending and panic shopping just a bit. And while that wasn’t my […]