Here we are, at the end of the year, and after all the surprises and twists and turns this year has brought us is leaving us feeling a little woozy and weary. But the good news is that this year has actually done us a lot of good even though it’s put us through the wringer. We’ve proven to be adaptable and we’ve found courage to stand up for ourselves (and sometimes had the courage to stand up to ourselves too). We are paving the way toward a better world.
This weekend I spent a lot of time fretting about the expectations that people have of me. Here I am a nonprofit attorney who is doing tarot readings? In my mind there are judges and attorneys, policymakers and nonprofit leaders who are looking at me and shaking their heads thinking WTF happened to her?! And yet, I’ve given readings to each of these groups, whether as a charity donation or as a friend who is helping them navigate personal crisis. But because my training is to anticipate the adverse arguments, I start constructing obstacles and judgment in my head before anyone has had a chance to speak for themselves. I get myself so wrapped up with anxiety over whether I’ll be accepted, that I end up apologizing for my message before I ever deliver it.
But that’s not the life I’m here to create, not the reality I’m here to promote. I’m done with the judgments of “rational” actors, many of whom have suppressed their trauma and insecurity that now passively acts on their behalf. They’ve abdicated their connection to intuition in favor of the finely honed tools of logic. Except they usually swing their opinions like a sledgehammer, congratulating themselves for their casual cruelty as if that itself was a victory for reason. Frankly, I’m tired of trying to please narcissistic bullies who are hiding from their own compassionate, broken truth.
And when I look back on the last year, it’s been about carving out a place for myself as a queer, polyamorous, Chicana mystic, healer, author, and teacher. I’m simply here to make the world safer for people like me. And so over the next few months my goal is to show up more and more as the integrated wholeness of who I am. Because when I show up as my genuine self, it is so others will find the courage to as well.
My last public reading of the year is with the Intuitive Night Goddess tarot, a Kickstarter I supported last year. This deck doesn’t like reversals, so you’ll notice everything is upright this week. Affirming a message of balance, a sign that we’ve done well this year and should be proud of how far we’ve come, we end the year with confirmation that we’ve done well, even if it doesn’t feel like it immediately.
See more below…
Where we are this week
Two of Swords
As we round out this year, we find that we have achieved a certain kind of balance in our lives, despite this pandemic that has disrupted our world so dramatically, we have a lot to be proud of. Many of us made sacrifices that helped us become more whole and integrated people. Others of us have made the choice to take care of ourselves despite what capitalism might tell us is the “right” thing to do. Many of us have been liberated from the groupthink of “any job is a good job” and rightfully are fighting back and choosing to engage in the commerce of employment on our own terms instead. This is a card showing that we are in control. We have found ways to adapt and balance ourselves during some really rocky circumstances. And no matter what comes next, no matter how unwieldy life has seemed of late, this card tells us “you’ve got this!” Trust the successes we’ve seen so far.
Adapt and balance
Messages from our Guides
Nymph of Cups
This is the social butterfly card, the energetic, idealistic spirit that flits about sharing love with a number of different kinds of people, bringing them all together with enthusiastic, earnest hope. Much like New Relationship Energy, this is the beginning of an adventure. Falling in love with our surroundings and our deeper emotional inquiries. While we are still somewhat skimming the surface, we are beginning to blossom with new life and new hope. We are emerging from our cocoon and are encouraged to make a splash with our lives, to try out these new emotional strategies and surroundings. It is okay to just enjoy the newness of our transformed perspective – honing that intuition will come later.
Uplift with enthusiastic resolve
Messages from Lady Gaia
Nine of Cups
So, while I tried to listen to Lady Gaia last week, I still found myself overspending and panic shopping just a bit. And while that wasn’t my finest moment, it was short-lived and not nearly as damaging to me financially as it has been in the past. Because even if we can reduce the waste, we’re still doing better than we were. Here the Nine of cups blesses us with the abundance of a job well done. In exchange for our deep gratitude, Lady Gaia encourages us to look at how far we’ve come in the past year. Not just with our material abundance, our care for her, but our care for each other. What have we manifested that we didn’t think was possible before? What could we manifest in the coming year to build on these successes? to continue to improve? Maybe if we achieved our intention of growing a garden, maybe this year we can donate our excess produce to a food rescue organization that can help fill the bellies of our neighbors (a cause I personally am passionate about)? Or maybe this year we can donate $25/mo to a conservation organization or invest in reusable products. There is so much success we can build on. Which is your favorite?
Savor how far we’ve come
Messages from our Ancestors
Queen of Pentacles
Because the Queen of Pentacles came up last week to warn us about the excess and waste we create from our insecurities, here our ancestors echo this message, asking us to recognize the differences between self-care and indulgence. We all want to be pampered from time to time, but sometimes we get so wrapped up with our “self-care” that we neglect our real-world duties, our responsibilities to others. This is a gentle reminder that sometimes self-care means investing ourselves in the things we don’t want to do so that we can better enjoy the things that we do want to do. We can have all that we need or want, but we still retain responsibility for acting ethically and nurturing more than our own comfort and pocketbook wellbeing.
Self-Care vs. Indulgence
Messages from our Future Selves
Awakening / Judgment
We have come to a stage of completion. Gone are the anxieties of the past, manipulated desires of capitalism with the strong arm of patriarchal control. Can we envision an awakened world? Can we envision a place where we see our own personal power instead of the confines we’ve been told to occupy? And with that awakening can we see our shared duty toward each other and the world around us? Can we actualize our learning to manifest a kinder, more loving world? Will we act with the wisdom we’ve gained? Are we ready to demonstrate the courage of owning our true selves, inhabiting the roles our souls want to play? Do we find ourselves worthy to step into the leadership of a new world? The choice is ours.
Will we find ourselves worthy?
Message from Mother Mary
Ten of Cups
Most of us already know what we need to let go of. Here, Mary is affirming for us that we truly can have all that we want, so long as it aligns with the responsibility implied by the Queen of Pentacles and the elevated consciousness of the Awakening card. This is the path to our true destiny, to our promised land of abundance, glory, building a legacy that shares an abundance of love, blessings of joy, and magical manifestation. Here, we need to align ourselves with our true goals. To see the potential of our future selves and act with nurturing integrity and compassionate pragmatism in the present. And trust me, when we’re in alignment, the universe opens up and gives its blessing with such radiant magnificence, it becomes hard to ever stray from the path again. Mary tells us that this can be ours, that we can seek her blessing and guidance to experience this purity of love in our everyday.
Dream the impossible dream
Final advice:
seven of Swords
Beware of jealousy
Nine of Wands
A test of faith
An ongoing theme this year has been to be able to balance our physical and spiritual selves. When we are discontent with our victories, it is often because we’re comparing ourselves to others. We scroll through social media, seeing spontaneously staged photographs of a life we want. Can we use it as inspiration? Absolutely. But the problem is when we obsess with “what are they doing right that I’m getting wrong” types of comparisons. We don’t know anything about another’s situation, even with people as open as me. We need to keep an eye on our own work, our own accomplishments and stop trying to emulate every “successful” person we find – because our version of success will look different from theirs – and who’s to say they’re even successful anyway? Nah, instead, we need to refocus on what WE accomplished because we are each on different journeys and our outcomes are going to look different from everyone else’s.
As we look back upon this year, we are going to see that we’ve been injured and battered by life’s circumstances, by old beliefs and attachments. It’s taken a lot but we’ve actually accomplished quite a bit. It’s just hard to enjoy when we’re still weary, trying to recover and catch our breath after so much hard work. IT might be discouraging to see all that still needs to be done, but in the end, our resilience has paid off. It just doesn’t quite feel like it yet. We know we have more work to more, more challenges to face, but it’s okay to take a breather and appreciate how far our persistence has gotten us thus far.
Blessing:
As we say goodbye to 2021 (wait? it’s not over yet?) may we find gratitude for how far we’ve come. We’ve faced old demons and lived to tell the tale. We’ve wrestled with insecurity and found our faith again. May the coming year bring us the vivid blessings of authenticity, the healing balm of collective care, and the abundant joy of connective love.
I am with you always in love 💖
So may it be.
Specializing in readings for LGBTQ+, non-monogamous and “it’s complicated” situations
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com
I offer A VARIETY OF READINGS & REIKI SESSIONS that can:
- Reboot relationship(s)
- Check-in with the body’s chakras
- Uncover hidden talent & treasure
- Clear emotional blockages
- Channel messages of Divine Love
- Step up as a leader
- Harmonize past lives
La Madonna Rosa 