I am so proud to have gotten the rest I did last week. When I was tempted toward overwork, I tempered my expectations and allowed myself to rest. When I was tempted into overthinking, I allowed myself to observe it and let it go. And that allowed for the restoration of some of my own faith…
And it allowed for a lot of revelatory connections to surface as well. Primarily, this meant that I finally “grokked” the timeline of my earliest trauma history and how the event that followed masked the symptoms of that trauma from those who could help. It was an impossible convergence of events that created who I am…and an impossible convergence of events that left me with the terrible sense of worthlessness that I’ve carried my whole life.
We are all a product of our environment- saddled with societal choices we never made, and governments we only get to participate in after the most tender trauma damage has wound itself up in knots because of messaging from caretakers still denying their own trauma. This… is trickle-down economics. We are left with the emotional gravity of the generations that came before us, dripping down into our lives whether we wanted it, chose it, or not. Legacies of lack and vendettas of violence still live within our veins. burdened by their fearful religiosity, distracted by distorted voices of judgment, and infected by patriarchy’s pariahs.
The truth that we rarely face…we are all connected. I feel what happens to others, the wind as it rushes through your hair, the rustle of anticipation across his skin as she reaches out to touch him, the tearful joy about to erupt on her face as she accepts a diploma. And I feel the pain – I feel the heartache of a lover lost, the wail of a child mourning a parent, the whimper of a deathbed confession. I feel it all and all I want is for others to know someone else is sitting there in that pain, sharing even a small ounce of it with them in the dark of our uncertainty, in the elation of our joys.
That interconnectedness matters. Because while the trauma I have faced is mine, I wouldn’t be here today without the beloveds who listen to my distorted, hurt heart with patience, showing me how worthy I am when I can’t believe it myself. Although my time of rest brought up old feelings of abandonment and helplessness, it also showed me how deeply connected I am to this interwoven story of humanity. We all are. Because if I can feel your pain, perhaps too you’ve felt mine. For I know I am not the only person who has felt so profoundly lonely in childhood. Nor am I the only one who has felt so unforgivably flawed that they saw no other way out than by choice or well-positioned chance. I am certainly not the first to have faced the kinds of trauma I have and until we collectively change things, I won’t be the last.
Those revelations last week of rest helped me re-discover my heart, the reason why I do any of this. I had buried it under so many layers of ashen disappointment, harsh self-examination, and patriarchal illusions of duty and righteousness that I had nearly forgotten it…
I do what I do because I need for you to know that you are not alone. Even if I can’t fully relate, I can connect you with others who do. Even if you can’t fully relate to my experiences there is an emotional truth that resonated deeply enough for you to be reading this. And even if you’re a skeptic, I think many of us intuitively understand one truth: Our best chance of survival is one another. For when we know we are not alone, we don’t easily succumb to hopelessness and fear. When we know we aren’t alone, we believe in ourselves, more resilient to the insecure attacks of a dying patriarchy. We need each other, which is why the theme this week is “The Magnificent We”. We matter …and should matter to each other.
This deck, the Oracle of Seven Energies, is the deck I’ve used each day for two years now. I love this deck because of its chakra correspondences and the fact that honesty is delivered with understanding and a big hug. If my gifts and message were to be depicted to be depicted as a deck, this would be it…so what better way to start this reading than with a giant heart? 😍💖✨
So may it be. I am with you always in love 💖
Where we are this week
Great Big Love
Heart
Remember all that healing we were told we needed to do before we were we “worthy” of love? “You have to love yourself before you can love others” is some gatekeeping, purist bullshit. No…sometimes we have to open ourselves up to others before we find the mirrors that won’t lie to us with distortions and projections. Because let me tell you, when you let the right person in, sometimes that’s what it takes to unwrap the treasure that was waiting for us all along. This card in the center, at the literal heart of the reading, is telling us that now is the time to risk expansion. Instead of waiting until we’re “good enough” we need to follow the inclination to show love – demonstrate that big ol’ heart in a meaningful way – whether it be giving to charity, donating your time to a cause, or just opening your home to wayward friends & family… the easiest way to invite love is to show it.
Messages from our Guides
Into Me I SEE
Sacral
For many of us, life taught us to view vulnerability as a weakness, trust as naive. But think about who those messages help, who does it serve to make us believe we are helpless if we are hurt, we are stupid if we trust or that we’ve shameful if we’re vulnerable? How does such harshness serve a world tethered to interconnected truths? Or does it sever it, giving us the illusion of separation and individualism? It convinces us that we aren’t worthy of love because there is something wrong with us as people (original sin, anyone?). That is not the message of Spirit. Our guides are encouraging us to see ourselves through others. Allow others to know a little more of our story (an ongoing theme this month -a very Sagittarian trait), to see more of our true heart. Through our connections, the eyes of our chosen family and beloveds, do we find the courage to see the parts of ourselves that our distortions can’t fathom – our goodness. (not to mention witnessing the forgiveness possible for those parts t of ourselves we don’t love as much).
Messages from Lady Gaia
Waking the Lion
Solar Plexus
Did you feel it? That shift, that small opening of awakening? The realization that happened at the fringe of consciousness that said, “life doesn’t have to be like this”? That kernel of knowledge is all it takes to awaken the long-dormant passions that put us on this path. Lady Gaia is lighting the torches in the deep recesses of our hearts, reminding us what we’re truly fighting for. A lion is awakening within us. We are re-discovering a cause of injustice, a story that needs to be told., a process that requires updated empathy. Whatever it is we are being called to bring into the world is starting this week, in the real, tangible realms of our reality. We are awakening together.
Messages from our Ancestors
A powerful move
Solar Plexus
What qualifies as a power move in the spiritual realm? Staking our claim of sovereignty while balancing the sovereign rights of others. Our ancestors this week advise us to be mindful of what we do with power. Because it isn’t just our own sense of sovereignty aka. self-determination/freedom that matters, it’s the experience of it for others. An unlike what our world might tell us about the source of real power, it’s truly about being able to stand firm in your truth and fight for the right of others to stand in theirs. That doesn’t mean absolutism, but rather collaborative approaches that recognize the duties and rights we collectively hate.
Messages from our Future Selves
Awakening Genius
throat
No lie, I’ve gotten this card over 50% of the days of December so far and each time it’s had a very clear message – open myself to becoming a channel of the divine. For all the times that I struggle with writing my novel, sometimes the easiest thing for me to do is open up a channel to the spirit and just ask that the words flow through me. That is where the true genius lives – to let go and let it flow. This is the advice from our future selves – allow ourselves to be a conduit for divine love to create and express itself through us. Let go of the critical eye and just let spirit create through us.
Mother Mary
Endless Possibilities
Third Eye
No snark or sneaky winks from Mother Mary this week – nothing but the image of a starry priestess open to all possibilities around her. She sees the truth of all things – that we are cosmic dust connected by more than just mere coincidence. She stays open to seeing the signs from the divine, believing in the manifestation of her own dreams. She sees the glittering possibility of humanity and doesn’t let its proclivities for fear dissuade her clear vision. All creation starts with imagining the endless wonders it holds.
Undercurrents & Final advice
The Power of Purpose
Solar Plexus
It is easy when we are on the upswing to see purpose in all we have experienced. We thank influential mentors and true believers. But what happens when we’ve been through the worst? We’re definitely grateful to anyone who helped us, but the pain is so disconnected from the purpose that it’s hard not to let it turn us sour with resentment and grief. And yet, there is purpose in all things – not some cosmic “we hurt you for your own good” sort of patriarchal in loco parentis headmaster. But as in “fucked up shit happens, but it’s what we choose to do with it that matters.” It doesn’t make the pain better, but it makes it easier to cope with the pain. When we connect our pain to a purpose, such as helping others avoid the same problems, we make the world safer for all of us to be vulnerable in our quests for redemption and healing.
Final Advice Shining Through
Throat
The theme this week “the Magnificent We” tells us clearly that our healing and manifesting journeys this week are found in the communities we build, the friendships we forge, and the families we choose. The best and easiest way to find “your people” is by fearlessly shining your own light on the world by telling your own story. We might have overcome a common obstacle in a different way or faced a rare issue that others can find no help for. When we shine forth with our story, it isn’t a selfish spotlight, but a self-fulfilling lighthouse of warmth and welcome.
Blessing
The world tells us that a big, open heart is a risk. But the divine tells us that is the only way to solve the world’s problems. May we no longer fear the expansions of heart that bring empathy, reconciliation and connective pleasure. May we, as emerging heart-centered leaders, find the courage to show up with love, to share our emotional space, and pursue our improbably big dreams. May we find healing through sharing our pains with others, reaching out to connect. May we find ways to trust and in turn, give others the safety they need to open to healing. May we act as conduits of divine love here on earth through our words & actions. May this week be a demonstration of love through justice, generosity and hope.
My Birthday Wish!
💖 ❤️🔥 🔮
This week is my birthday! I can’t believe I’m saying that out loud given my history – I turn 45! As I prepare for my “dark night of the soul” birthday ritual, I welcome any compassionate energy your have to share, to shed a light in the dark caverns of my heart, to remind me how wondrously interconnected we all are. Comments, feedback, shares, likes, follows – all energetic connection that matters for me.
It would be an honor to have you join me for this wild journey of mid-age gorgeously geeky poly bruja magic I want to weave through my Patreon:
Temple of the Rose Gold Heart
All Patreon members get access to this reading a in advance. a preview which might include videos, behind the scenes photos or raw first impressions.
Patrons also get access to a “choose your own adventure” card I pull from each of these decks to end our week – a special message just for you!
Other tiers include access to archived writings, moon posts, behind-the-scenes and special excerpts of my works in progress. Join during the month of May and get a free email reading!
Memberships start at just $1/month😍
La Madonna Rosa 