The pressure has been building over the past couple of weeks – in this powerful eclipse season, we are being asked to confront those parts of ourselves, especially our past, that are holding us back. The anchors of the storyline that we cling to and then use to punish ourselves for mistakes made long ago. The judgments, the snide remarks, the lies about our character that we use to keep ourselves small, hidden, and silent. What we haven’t willingly set aside is now bubbling to the surface demanding our attention. Can we decisively let go of the past and start a new chapter afresh?
Last week I talked about personal autonomy – about the power of self-determination. But how good is that self-determination if it’s being influenced, coerced, or pressured by a singular viewpoint? What good is that self-determination if we are always bound to the choices we previously made? But what good is self-determination if our choices center around regret, victimhood, and shame? How much are we determining the course of our lives if we’re locked in guilt and self-punishment over the past? The energy of this latest Full Moon eclipse is stirring up what we once thought was dead and buried – only to find out it’s alive and active in our lives, making choices for us without our full input or insight. These ghosts of our past torture us into smallness, bullying us into submission, obscuring our true light.
This past weekend I was confronted with some of these ghosts. Ghosts of old relationships that soured years ago but stopped me from living my fullest life. Ghosts of disappointment and distrust have been trying to keep me safe by keeping me small. These were the parts of me that were buried under the weight of others’ opinions of me – even though none of those original actors took responsibility for their part in our shared dramas – instead, I took the weight of it all on myself. I bore the burden alone to prove to a windswept world that I had learned my lesson. But in the end, all I did was keep myself further and further away from healing.
We don’t necessarily get a choice in how this confrontation happens. Still, many of us are in the midst of it right now – confronting the ghosts of the past in order to release the pains of the past with forgiveness and empowerment so we are more open to making decisions that fulfill our hearts even more. For in keeping ourselves small, contained, restrained, all we do is deprive the universe of the fullness of our humanity – a glorious and beautiful gift in its own right. Honesty doesn’t require punishment nor is the price of vulnerability our dignity. It’s time we tell a new and radical truth – one of empowerment, not confinement.
This week I used the Disney Villains tarot deck because I felt it was vital for us to contextualize the villains of our past that are coming back up again during these purging, dredging underworld energies of the eclipse. And if we can find life and redemption even in the villains of our most beloved stories, then surely we can see the same for ourselves.
See more below…
Where we are this week
Page of Cups (R)
While the page of cups is normally a pretty jovial and lighthearted card, when it’s reversed it takes on a Chicken Little “the sky is falling!” kind of catastrophic paranoia. Except, instead of panicking, this reversed page sees everything through a cynical doom and gloom lens. They see that the world is going to shit, so they don’t see the point in caring anymore. This modern pessimism becomes a trap that only perpetuates the same harms over and over again. We see the same in ourselves often enough, the self-critical conclusions like, “I’ll never make it in life, why do I even bother?” or “Everyone else is so much better/smarter/sexier than me, I shouldn’t even try.” These only keep us stuck in our overthink, our shame, our trauma, and our self-loathing. And this week, with all the past narratives being stirred up, we’re also seeing the resurgence of old doom and gloom stories that we’ve used to “keep ourselves in line”. You know the ones right? Where we’re cast as villains in someone else’s script? Where we feel compelled to sacrifice our authentic happiness to make up for the pain we’ve caused the world? Well, it is exactly that story that is rising up to be released. Finally.
Release the self-defeating stories of our past.
Messages from our Guides
Ten of Wands
The ten of wands is one of those weirdly dissatisfying cards. Because on the one hand, it affirms that we’ve done a lot and come a long way, but it also shows us all the work left to complete. And here it feels even more like a hollow pat on the back, like when your boss praises you for “not screwing up this time”. Immediately this card started connecting me to capitalism and how often our labor, our 40+ hours a week is funneled into someone else’s benefit. We push paper around, we stress out about deadlines, and we strategize about the next promotion. We pour all of our time and energy into pursuing goals that someone else created or demanded of us even if it violates the most deeply held principles of our hearts. Here I see the evil Queen benefitting from the labor of others, snatching away their products to resell for herself. We collect our paycheck, our transactional benefit for our labor, but we don’t necessarily get closer to our highest selves. This card warns us not to keep putting our energy into structures that don’t actually support our bigger, authentic selves.
Beware of giving away our power to capitalist dreams.
Messages from Lady Gaia
Page of Swords
Last week Lady Gaia was all about sacred reverence – which many of us fulfilled by observing the eclipse last night (May 15). This week she’s asking us to start turning our brainpower toward something better and more worthwhile than arguing with people on the internet. Here, I get a small superiority vibe, like a member of a debate team using their powers either for good or for evil. They could either bury their opponents under a landslide of crisp criticism or they could offer a hand-out to collaborate on solutions that can help one another. It isn’t always about winning. In fact, now more than any other time in history, we need our clever minds focused more on solutions than on widening the emotional ravines of indifferent, mean-spirited clapbacks disguised as irony.
Use our powers for good.
Messages from our Ancestors
When I pulled this card, I felt such an overwhelming sense of pride, the absence of fear in our next steps – the perfect feeling for the Fool card. The fool is uninhibited by his past. He carries nothing but his wits and his hope, ready to journey forward into the unknown of this new chapter of his life. He has no biases, no apprehensions, and no question in his mind that his next steps will be blessed and protected. Here, especially after all the ancestral healing we’ve been doing, our ancestors are giving a beautiful message of hope. They’re encouraging us to enter back into the world, to take a risk on the adventure. They are reassuring us that they are watching over us, but they’re also blessing this next chapter of our lives. We have done the work we needed to do to get this far – we can step boldly into the next adventure of our lives.
This new chapter is blessed and protected by our ancestors.
Messages from our Future Selves
Seven of Coins (R)
We’re in the middle of Mercury retrograde right now – we have to accept that not only will there be delays, but that our dreams aren’t going to be delivered on a silver platter. There is a temptation to look at setbacks and delays as evidence that we never should have started (see Page of Cups reversed above), but in reality, we have to give of ourselves – our time, talent, and treasure in order to make our dreams come true. Every setback we encounter right now is teaching us a skill that our future success will need to flourish. Don’t be discouraged, the universe isn’t working against us but rather through us – and as such, it will always be a little less than perfect, a little more than we expected, and always exactly what we needed.
Setbacks don’t take us off our path but make us more nimble in walking it.
Message from Mother Mary
Ace of Wands
What I love about this card is how commanding it is in its simplicity. Channeling the energy of this cobra as the wand of inspiration just feels so appropriate for how Mary talks through these readings. She sees that as we step into these new chapters of our lives, we will need to bring our creative prowess to the surface, especially when we encounter the setbacks that our future selves speak of. For when we’re confident in our vision, powerful in our presence, commanding in our decisiveness for what we want, we can do literally anything. Over and over this card told me to “magnetize our spirit” – to shine our truest selves so we draw in the right people, the right ideas, and the right opportunities to take us to our future destination.
Magnetize our spirit to draw in the right opportunities.
Undercurrents & Final advice
Page of Wands (R)
It isn’t all about us.
Ace of Swords (R)
Cut through self-deception.
It’s tempting, especially as we are purging so much of our past and moving forward into the unknown to think that everything that is happening is all about us. But that hubris denies a very central reality – that if the universe is moving pieces into place to help us achieve our dreams, doesn’t it stand to reason that it’s doing that for others too? In the rush of our impatience and impertinence (which is really just our insecurity) we forget that sometimes the delays that we’re experiencing aren’t about us at all, but might be putting things into place for someone else. Ensure that our enthusiasm for our dreams doesn’t turn into selfish Veruca Salt-iness where we demand the universe meet us on our terms at all times. It just doesn’t work that way. No one of us is more or less deserving than any other – this is a lesson in humility and patience as we all elevate together.
More than ever, we’re being asked to cut through the self-deceptive nonsense we’ve been fed all this time. To recognize and realize where we’ve been weaponized against each other, or the misalignment of our time, talent, and treasure with our true desires. Where have we been used as a sword to cut down others and where have we weaponized others to cut down those we dislike? We can no longer play at this cutthroat game and expect to win. Instead, cut through the veils of assumption and tradition to see what truly lies underneath. Keep only that which will help us claim our dreams without smothering everyone else’s. Someone else’s blessing doesn’t have to inhibit our own. This is our test.
As we embark on these magnificent new beginnings, may we find the grace and forgiveness to let go of the anchors holding us to our past. May we find the courage to find the hope and optimism for life by applying our intellect to resolving our shared challenges and making room in our lives for the miraculous no matter how it may show up. Praise the invisibles and the blessings they give us this week.
I am with you always in love 💖
So may it be.
Specializing in readings for LGBTQ+, non-monogamous and “it’s complicated” situations
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Pexels.com
I offer A VARIETY OF READINGS & REIKI SESSIONS including:
- Reboot relationship(s)
- Check-in with the body’s chakras
- Uncover hidden talent & treasure
- Clear emotional blockages
- Channel messages of Divine Love
- Step up as a leader
- Harmonize past lives