Whether we want to admit it or not, each of us is the villain in someone else’s story. Whether we intentionally hurt them or it was just an unfortunate byproduct of our interaction with them, someone out there thinks we’re the worst person on earth, problematic AF, and we need to be stopped at all costs. Sometimes we weren’t that innocent – we did people wrong, sometimes ruthlessly and carelessly. But often, we were simply the car that got rear-ended by someone else, causing us to smash into someone else as a result. And no matter how often we apologize or how much we try to prove them wrong, we will continue to be cast as the villains in others’ stories.

And no matter what anyone else tells us – it isn’t our job to be liked by the people who cast us as villains.

That’s been a tough pill for me to swallow for myself, chronic people-pleaser that I have been. My trauma is such that my very safety depended on how liked I was – my first abuser my ugliness and unlikeability for his excuse why he did what he did. So, being likeable is woven into the fabric of who I am as a safety measure, not just a personality quirk. It was a way for me to control my environment. And my biggest traumas were people who defied that control to hurt me, only reinforcing that likability wasn’t truly protection. but another cage.

I turn forty-five this year and I’ve reached the “frak around and find out” part of my life. I’m done placating shallow men who can’t see my beauty. I’m done walking on eggshells around powerful people who abuse their authority. I’m done holding myself back in an over-abundance of caution while lesser fools take the spotlight that was reserved for me. I’m done trying to get people to understand me, trying to ensure that everyone is happy with what I present and how I show up in the world. I’m done apologizing for being so extra. I’m tired of playing useless power games of “prove your love” with friends whose hearts are too small to hold me as I need.

“Never waste your time explaining yourself to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”

Dream Hampton

I won’t ever be able to stop people from casting me as the villain in their one-man soap opera about how hard their life is. They might be pointing at me from afar jealousy whispering “why does she get to be successful?” or they could be feeding me honey and roses to my face while spreading rumors about how I “took their man” or some such monogamous nonsense. They’re telling their husbands, girlfriends, and significant others that I’m “off limits” because my very existence is a threat to the house of cards they keep their loved one trapped in. They chose me as the enemy of their life and trying to change their mind is just another trap.

All of this reminds me of Gollum in Lord of the Rings and how he was so wrapped up in his obsession, his greed, his enchantment with darkness that Sam and Frodo were cast as his enemies. And while he helps for a bit, it’s always tenuous for the moment he sniffs betrayal, more like a fabrication of his own twisted mind than reality, he breaks faith. Because of what he chose to see, how the ring (and previous experience) had taught him to distrust. They weren’t “tricksy hobbitses” but the cruelty and unchecked obsession convinced him to see them that way.

The same happens with us. A lot like Gollum, the cruelty we’ve experienced when combined with the obsessions we guard, we end up turning even the best of hobbits into our enemies. We see the slightest sign of danger and we burn every bridge in sight. That isn’t resilience, it’s a trauma reaction. It isn’t intuitive, it’s our lizard brain response to old stimuli coming back to haunt us. It blurs our judgment and when truly activated, we then cast anyone who even moderately resembles that stimuli, whether in appearance or belief, in the role of the villain before they ever even say hello. Or…that’s how it worked for me.

This week we’re advised to take a long hard look at what we deserve and to prioritize what we actually want – especially in the realms of justice. Look at who is winning through dirty tricks this week – they are paving the way for patriarchy’s victory parade. And we, as a people, need to address why we continue to tolerate, endorse and praise those tactics. Is this really the world we want?

When I stopped trying to convince people committed to misunderstanding me that I was right or worthy (an ego-driven need), I started showing up only in those times that my voice, experience, and insight could actually be valuable – like when someone is constructing strawmen arguments and dirty tricks that exploit or worsen the trauma people carry. Instead of wasting time trying to convince people (especially mansplainers) of my worth, I show up only in those situations and fights that are worthy of me. HUGE difference!

That is the energy of the cards this week. The Pulp Tarot has a Treat-Yo-Self vibe mixed with a jilted femme fatale. It’s dramatic and poignant in the readings it gives and it demands the very best of my time and attention. But that’s because it wants the very best for us too. It helps us discern what we actually want versus what we’ve been settling for. And this week, it has a giant warning for us – only care about those who are worthy enough to even have you as an enemy, because if they have to pull dirty tricks to win, they were never worthy of us in the first place.

See more below…

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Undercurrents & Final advice

I have a love-hate relationship with the Ten of Wands. While it denotes completion, it’s in the all-too-familiar nonprofit way: Yay, I just spent 60 hours on that grant application all so I can hire someone to work 60 hours a week at a soul-crushing pace. We got what we wanted, but we need to assess what it cost us. Yay, I finally got that corner office, all I had to do is abandon my kids, disappoint my elders and play along with patriarchy. No big deal, right? If the damage that lays behind us is more than we expected, then something isn’t working – either the goals or the methods. But regardless, here the Ten of Wands exacts a cost for our success and we must ask…was it worth it?

We choose our enemies just as our enemies choose us. And the methods we use on our enemies are the ones they will use against us eventually, a karmic retaliation delivered with poetic justice. And sometimes our “winning is everything” vibe makes us employ tactics that only sullies the victory. For if we had to lie, cheat and steal to win, was the win really worth it? Were we worth it? We go out of our way sometimes to thwart our enemies – just to feel our own power, not to truly stop someone bad or unqualified. And in a week when the theme is justice, look for who is pulling dirty tricks in order to be able to win. Does it stand up to scrutiny or does it fall apart under the pressure of its own ego-importance? Not naming names here, but that sounds an awful lot like someone we all know, right? Either way, it’s time to steer clear of those tactics and claim the wins that actually matter.

Blessing

As we enter the orb of the New Moon in Virgo at the end of the week, protect our vision and keep us steadfast to those paths that honor our gifts, that contribute to our callings. Guide us toward those actions that elevate the conversation and deliver true justice of balance and alignment in our world and our hearts. May we look for ways to overcome old narratives of “win at all costs” greed and instead work for a world that wins for all.

I am with you always in love 💖

So may it be.

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